1. Keifer Sutherland gets out of jail after 48 days: And you can hardly tell his hand was severed and resewn back on twice.

2. Tom Cruise, Jerry Seinfeld double-date with wives: Dispelling those nasty rumors that Hollywood men only chase young girls.

3. Matthew McConaughey's mom wants the father-to-be to wed: Hopeful wife-to-be wants the father-to-be to to forgo the pre-nup-to-be.

4. Kanye West reportedly performs at sweet-16 party: He spends days avoiding phone calls from R. Kelly volunteering to be opening act.

5. Sarah Michelle Gellar bares all in ad for Vaseline: Giving new meaning to the old quote, "Hypocrisy is the vaseline of social intercourse?"

6. Natalie Portman launching line of vegan footwear: It's either penance for Mr. Magorium, or she's trying to impress Al Gore.

7. Dr. Phil McGraw calls his statement on Britney Spears a mistake: Yeah, that Britney, she's a hard case to diagnose.

8. Lindsay Lohan required to visit morgue as part of DUI plea deal: She pouts the whole time, as judge decrees her suggestion to guest on CSI: Miami as "not the same thing."

9. Dakota Fanning's little sister is new Sundance darling: Lionsgate signs Fanning fetus to 3 picture deal.

10. Survivor winner Yul Kwon reportedly considering a run for U.S. Congress: Would we even have entertainment news without the word, "reportedly."