1. Kate Walsh says her dog okayed her husband: Obviously learning no lessons from that little "Son of Sam" debacle.

2. Nic Cage sues Kathleen Turner for making accusations that include dog theft: If Peggy Sue Got Married had been real, this would naturally be the ending.

3. Frances Bean Cobain declares "I'm not my parents:" Just smells like teen spirit to me.

4. American mystery writer James Patterson declared "Most Borrowed Author" in British libraries: Of course, it's the same book--they just put a new title on it each month; sort of like how he writes.

5. Colin Farrell walks into a Russian bath: Is this the trendy new drink they serve at gay bars?

6. Tony Parker says time is not right to start a family: This is "rich-speak" for: They can't seem to agree on the nanny who will raise their child.

7. Barack Obama wins a grammy: Oscar lingers close behind after his polite exchanges with Hillary.

8. Cameron Diaz and Ellen Pompeo reportedly eyeing same New York City apartment: And the winner is? US Weekly!

9. David Beckham cheek-kiss makes woman faint: Is that an actually kiss? or the "David Beckham Cheek Kiss" Pina Colada served at gay bars?

10. Paris Hilton reportedly swings from chandelier: So maybe this might be an indicator she hasn't quite made good on those jail-house promises.