1. Neil Patrick Harris clarifies I do want Britney back on How I Met Your Mother: He adds, "Who else on set will pick me up a Big Gulp & cigarettes everyday?"

2. George Clooney says "George Clooney" fashion line is bogus: And I was so hoping he was finally going to bring back the tuxedo/shorts ensemble.

3. Matchbox Twenty cancels rodeo concert out of concern for animals: They decided to have a steak at Outback instead.

4. Danny Devito to woo Kristen Bell in When in Rome: After this and Forgetting Sarah Marshall, get this girl an intervention for her doughy chubmeister fetish.

5. Survivor to be broadcast in HD: Where is Richard Hatch stripping when you need him.

6. Full House alum Jodie Sweetin gives birth: How boring; doesn't she know enough to abuse drugs, get arrested and enter rehab.

7. PETA declares truce with Beyonce: Ever a step behind, the SPCA declares detente with Kelly Rowland.

8. Empire State Building to be lit in the colors of Mariah Carey's new album: For her promotion, shaky Whitney Houston employs the use of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

9. Alicia Keys calls gangsta rap a government conspiracy: Great, she just blew NASA's scheduled 2009 N.W.A. moon landing.

10. Whitesnake frontman: "The world is such a mess, what's needed is a new Whitesnake album!": What the world needs is a Whitesnake-Tawny Kitaen video!!