1. Lawyer for man accused of stalking Uma Thurman says being creepy is not a criminal offense: David Letterman used the same defense during the Oscar debacle of 1995

2. In divorce settlement David Hasselhoff retains rights to properties bearing the term "Hoff.": Leading his wife to write the country-western ditty, "He got the Hoff and I got the Hassle."

3. Convicted of failing to file tasexes, Wesley Snipes reportedly requests New Jersy Prison: Isn't that redundant?

4. Baldwin brothers gang up on Stephen's antigay marriage views: Stephen finally changes mind after repeatedly being called a "little piggie" by Alec.

5. J.J. Abrams to make a comedy about a kid out to seduce his high school teacher: It's titled, "Every Teenage Boy, Ever in Time"

6. Christina Ricci says Jessica Biel has "that perfect volleyball-playing-at-the-beach body:" Looks like it's time she was chained to radiator and taught another lesson (this joke for the 796 people who saw Black Snack Moan)

7. After concert mishap, boot has to be cut off Kenny Chesney's injured foot: Ok, ok, enough with the "I'm not gay, it was Renee's fault we divorced" demonstrations.

8. Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt attend White House Correspondents' Dinner: Legacy? Check.

9. On Good Morning America, Mariah improvises when the "Touch My Body" backing track skips: What? And no Simpson-esque Irish polka-jig?

10. Whitney Houston reportedly shaky on "I Will Always Love You" in concert: The new vibratto, it's all the rage!